Help with Trust Issues, Affairs & Betrayal
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Secrets damage bonding. Secrets keep us separate. We're told affairs are more common than we realise. The discovery of a partner's affair is devastating for us. It's a traumatic rupture to our relationship. You may feel abandoned, alone, bewildered, numb, afraid, overwhelmed or angry. What you once relied upon and trusted is now alien or in question. You feel betrayed, vulnerable and uncertain of what happens now. You may be having an affair yourself and in the midst of confusion, denial and secrecy.
There are many types of affairs - casual, emotional, opportunistic, double-life, sexual, love and addiction, etc. Sometimes there are problems in the marriage/relationship and the unfaithful partner is trying to escape those feelings and those problems instead of working through the issues in the main relationship. However, "bad marriages or relationships" don't cause affairs - "bad choices" do. Sometimes happy partners also cheat. |
Often, the affair is an attempt by the unfaithful partner to find something within themselves and is no reflection of the marriage/relationship. Other times, the affair is an attempt to end the marriage/relationship. There may be sexual addiction at the root of the affair or sexual acting out (sexting, etc.)
The discovery of an affair can signal the end of a union between the unfaithful and the betrayed. However, it doesn't have to be that way and doesn't have to end in divorce or separation. Such relationships can and do heal and move forward, often with a stronger bond and understanding of oneself, our partner and our relationship.
Whether you wish to heal the relationship or not, or if you're confused about "What next?", it is healthy to work through the trauma and understand what's happened to you. Understanding which type of affair you or your partner has been involved in can ease confusion. Understanding your own pain and the trauma impact is also helpful. The betrayed will almost certainly want details, have lots of questions and will want to understand exactly how this could have happened. There may be rage, pushing away of the unfaithful partner then pulling towards, fear of what the future holds and deep sadness about what was lost. You, the unfaithful, may feel just as confused as your partner about your affair.
It may be advisable that the betrayed partner seeks individual help after the discovery of the affair. The world of the betrayed partner has been torn apart and they don't understand what's happening to them. They've lost themselves, their sense of being and safety. The devastation of the discovery of an affair can be so traumatic, it leaves us with post-traumatic stress symptoms.
There are 3 levels of traumatic injury for the betrayed partner: sexual, attachment/bonding and emotional and psychological. Sexual injury is the impact on the betrayed partner's sexuality resulting from the violation of agreed sexual boundaries. Attachment injury is the devastating injury to the bond you've had with your partner, where trust and safety has been violated. Emotional and psychological injury is the humiliating and confusing experience of being lied to, manipulated, sometimes gaslit by the main person in your life. Angela offers individual sessions as well as couple's sessions to work through the trauma of an affair.
Angela can help you understand and heal the pain. Sometimes one or both partners can't move forward in the relationship due to the lack of trust and the pain involved. Angela can assist couples in understanding, accepting and finding options for themselves.
The discovery of an affair can signal the end of a union between the unfaithful and the betrayed. However, it doesn't have to be that way and doesn't have to end in divorce or separation. Such relationships can and do heal and move forward, often with a stronger bond and understanding of oneself, our partner and our relationship.
Whether you wish to heal the relationship or not, or if you're confused about "What next?", it is healthy to work through the trauma and understand what's happened to you. Understanding which type of affair you or your partner has been involved in can ease confusion. Understanding your own pain and the trauma impact is also helpful. The betrayed will almost certainly want details, have lots of questions and will want to understand exactly how this could have happened. There may be rage, pushing away of the unfaithful partner then pulling towards, fear of what the future holds and deep sadness about what was lost. You, the unfaithful, may feel just as confused as your partner about your affair.
It may be advisable that the betrayed partner seeks individual help after the discovery of the affair. The world of the betrayed partner has been torn apart and they don't understand what's happening to them. They've lost themselves, their sense of being and safety. The devastation of the discovery of an affair can be so traumatic, it leaves us with post-traumatic stress symptoms.
There are 3 levels of traumatic injury for the betrayed partner: sexual, attachment/bonding and emotional and psychological. Sexual injury is the impact on the betrayed partner's sexuality resulting from the violation of agreed sexual boundaries. Attachment injury is the devastating injury to the bond you've had with your partner, where trust and safety has been violated. Emotional and psychological injury is the humiliating and confusing experience of being lied to, manipulated, sometimes gaslit by the main person in your life. Angela offers individual sessions as well as couple's sessions to work through the trauma of an affair.
Angela can help you understand and heal the pain. Sometimes one or both partners can't move forward in the relationship due to the lack of trust and the pain involved. Angela can assist couples in understanding, accepting and finding options for themselves.
